An Insert.

Okay before I even get into the next chapter, a very particular point has been made to me about this. So I’ll do the disclaimer early on so that we’re all clear. 

My story isn’t about Vengeance, it is about Testimony. Vengeance is about repaying harm, Testimony is about releasing truth. 

When God says “Vengeance is mine” in Romans 12:19, he is talking about retaliation - the desire to punish, destroy or ‘get even’. Vengeance is rooted in control and in payback. 

Telling the truth about what happened to you is not the same thing. 

The Bible supports and encourages truth telling and testimony. It repeatedly affirms it furthermore. 

Truth brings freedom “You wil know the truth, and the truth will set you free” - John 8:32

Darkness is exposed by light “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” - Ephesians 5:11

The list goes on. Silence is never commanded to protect wrongdoing, that’s not how this works. And as long as you’re sharing to heal, process or warn others, instead of to humiliate and punish others - you’re good.

Humiliation is going to come into this loads for sure, but my own. There are multiple parts that even as I wrote them I thought ‘Actually Sian, you really should have used discernment there’. There are parts that were humiliating for me to even write and where I said to myself “Sian you are soooo stupid”, but shit happened, and I can’t beat myself up over it, I just have to use better judgement moving forward in this life. But I’m not letting anyone humiliate me. That’s not how this works. I’ll rather say absolutely everythinggggg and humiliate myself.

 

Throughout the next ten months as I publish these chapters, yes I imagine there will be unrest. But if unrest happens because truth disrupts false peace, that does not make me sinful. Jesus caused unrest by telling the truth too.

Truth often disturbs before it heals. Vengeance says “I want you to hurt because I hurt”. Testimony say’s “I refuse to carry this in silence anymore”. 

My friend told me I shouldn’t share this story because I am not someone who talks up di tings on the internet, shares my personal life and airs my dirty laundry out. But that’s exactly why we’re here today. Duppy know who fi frighten. People will actively target you because they have gauged that you’re someone who will be silent. People have been getting away with badness for donkeys years simply because they know their victim will not say or do anything about it, but in this case that judgement was wrong. 

I don’t have a cheque for ten months of therapy and a round trip to St Lucia, so this is going to be my therapy, writing is going to be where I  heal. 

I am not required to suffer quietly to be considered godly. Jesus never told victims to protect the comfort of those who harmed them. So, without actual therapy and a round trip to the Caribbean healing does sometimes look like writing, speaking, naming what happened and reclaiming your voice. 

That is not vengeance, that is restoration. 

Vengeance belongs to God and that is going to happen also, but on his timing and in his way. There will be a day you look up at the sky, on your knees, asking ‘Lord why is this happening to me’ and you’re going to see my face. That same day you’re going to beg him for forgiveness and to make it stop, and he’s not going too. That’s already written, there’s nothing I can do about that. That is with God. 

I am simply going to - chapter by chapter - tell my story, the good the bad and the ugly parts with pictures, videos, screenshots and voice notes if I bloody well feel like it at the time. And yes it gets dark, but that’s because it is dark. 

There will be a digital footprint of what went on, with first names, surnames, places and faces, that will live on the internet way after I am dead and buried. And as well as it being a relief for me, I hope even just one reader walks away from it feeling freed. That they’re not alone. That it happens to the best of us. You can be everything that I am, and still get got looool. It happens man, but you don’t have to suffer in silence, honestly.

So ye, Chapter 2 incoming. 

<3